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Matthew 26:22 Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, “Surely it is not I, Lord?”
I asked the question once why in our specific liturgy of the sacrament, the words that are spoken say something like "when our Lord handed himself over", instead of "when our Lord was betrayed." The answer was a reasonable one, based on the translation of the word for betrayed, the sense of handing oneself over, becoming vulnerable, is implied. But still, every time I hear it, I substitute the word betrayed. Maybe it was my Lutheran upbringing and that was the version of the liturgy that I heard all my life, or maybe it is because that is what was going on in the actual account in scripture.
Jesus was betrayed. Yes, he allowed for that to happen by voluntarily giving himself up for us, but he was betrayed. I think, that even though there is a sense where these two translations are the same, the word betrayed has a different, and to me, more meaningful sense. Why do I come to the table? Yes Jesus handed himself over, but is was my sin that is the reason. It is I who betrays him. It is I who needs forgiveness. It is I that arrogantly says "Surely it is not I, Lord?" For me, putting the emphasis on the fact that Jesus handed himself over, allows me to slide just a little in the misguided belief that it is not I. But if it is not I, then why do I find myself at the table?
I think betrayal is a big part of the story of our transgression and our reconciliation. Satan was the most cherished cherub. He was a guardian angel of the throne of God. He was one in whom God put great trust. He betrayed that trust. Adam and Eve where the pinnacle of Gods creation. It was they that had God's trust to live in and tend the garden. They betrayed that trust. And it is I, that God loves and died for, and yet when I sin, it is I that betrays that love and trust. Betrayal is a big and powerful word. I think it would do us well to contemplate that.
Father, by the power of your Holy Spirit, lead me to feel your love and honor your trust. Make me aware of my willingness to betray that love and trust and to seek you forgiveness and reconciliation. Amen
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